A position of confidence

Much of the time I have a lot of self-doubt, especially related to my job.  Only my relationship with Jesus gives me the strength I need day to day.  But occasionally something comes up where I am able to speak up confidently, using the knowledge and experience the Lord has given me to approach an issue on solid ground.

Today my child's kindergarten teacher pulled my husband aside at drop-off and said that our son is behind in his reading.  Behind in filling out bookmarks, that is, compared to the other kids.    In certain situations, such as if he were truly struggling in reading, I would meet this with meekness and humility, asking help in an area where I need it.  However it is refreshing to sometimes be able to speak confidently.  This is the body of the email I wrote his teacher (also a coworker of mine, so it's a situation requiring extra tact in which I am usually pretty deficient):

Dear Teacher,
My husband said you talked to him about B's reading today.  That's good, he could be more involved, but I happen to know that B is a good reader and I am not at all concerned about him.  I taught the Abeka curriculum at the first grade level at MMCS for six years, I have a master's degree in elementary education and did my thesis on reading at the first grade level, and I am very confident that B will be more than ready for first grade.  He is reading just as well as my girls did at the same point in Kindergarten and they are all straight A students.   

I have four kids and I am working now, and I guess I don't have the time the other kids' parents do to spend hours apparently racking up bookmarks.  It is quality, not quantity, that counts with me and I am very happy with the quality of his reading.  He also reads to me every night at bedtime from one of his story books and I never write that down, having too much else to do to worry about busy-work record-keeping like that.

You have done a great job teaching B to read and we appreciate it, and I feel great about him starting first grade in the fall. 

If I weren't sure that I am right, I would lie awake feeling a lot of self-doubt and praying for Brian's reading and stressing myself out that I am failing.  Well, I will save that for another situation because I know Brian is doing great and I really don't care how many little colored bookmarks he has completed.  I have confidence through my years of parenting and teaching that I don't need to worry about Brian's reading.  I am so grateful to God for this and I lift up praise to Him right now for small victories.  I am wrong so so so often.  It is so merciful of Him to let me be right now and then.

I am average.

You know what?  I am not setting the world on fire at my teaching job.  I depend on the Lord daily to guide my plans and my actions, and I know He is enabling me to do the work, but I am an average teacher at best.  I don't invite students to hang out in my classroom during lunch.  I don't stay late or come early to tutor the struggling ones.  Sometimes certain students know more than I do about grammar and vocabulary.  I  have a hard time with students who don't do well or who don't try, even when I know that they don't have very good support at home or a history of academic success.  I don't use the latest technology.  I tried to make a class website and gave up.  I didn't do a very good job of tracking some of my students' late and missing assignments last quarter and consequently their grades were affected.

So what do I bring to the job?  An assurance that the Lord put me in this position and He will enable me to do it.  A passion for reading and a desire for all to love to read, to be able to write decently, and to have adequate English skills so that they seem educated and not ignorant.  I bring love for each and every one of my middle schoolers.  They are so precious.  I wish each one could know and believe that.  Even if I told them, they wouldn't internalize it, they would just cast it off like one more greeting on a Hallmark card.  I pray for them when they struggle.  I praise them when they succeed, to their faces and to their other teachers and their parents.  I try hard to stay on top of my grading; if they put work in, I should respect that by putting my part of the work in in a timely way. 

I am feeling inadequate today.  I want them all to succeed.  Do all teachers feel like this?